Parenting In A “Sexting” Culture
A recent news story regarding “sexting”–sending sexually explicit or provocative messages or photos, usually by mobile phone or internet–caught my attention. A 16-year-old girl had struck up an online relationship with a 21-year-old man. She began to send him photos of herself using her cell phone, including several nude pictures. When she decided to break off the relationship, he threatened to post the pictures online unless she agreed to meet him for sex. Thankfully, at this point the girl had the courage to inform her parents about what had happened. They informed the police, and now the young man faces up to 18 months in prison after pleading guilty to attempted extortion.
The article went on to discuss how many parents remain ignorant about how their children are using cell phones and other web-enabled devices. You can check out the experts’ remarks in the article if you’d like, but from my position interacting with youth on a regular basis, I’m continually amazed at some of their comments about their use of Facebook & cell phones, and how little parental oversight seems to be exercised over these items.
A pastor mentor of mine used to say, “Your child will have many friends, but they’ll only have one mom or dad.” Translation: a parent’s first job is to be parent, not just one among their child’s cadre of friends. Parents, if you don’t teach your kids how to navigate our tech-saturated culture and monitor their activity, who will? In recent years, our culture’s technological landscape has changed dramatically. Today’s generation of parents are the first to lead their kids through a world with anytime, anywhere web access. You can find tips on how to parent in this environment in many places, but here are a few I would suggest:
1. Talk with your kids about the dangers of online & mobile communication, especially regarding sexting. What’s common sense to you may not be common sense to them. My sense is that many teens fail to understand just how public their social media posts are. Both boys and girls need to understand the danger of sending photos to members of the opposite sex. It seems innocent enough for a teenage girl to post a picture in her bathing suit or in front of the mirror in her pajamas, but few of those girls–or their parents–seem to understand or care how the teenage male mind can be impacted by that image. And if kids will post images like that publicly, don’t assume they won’t send something more provocative in a private message. Parents of teenage boys need to have a frank discussion about how a Christian man will conduct himself with the opposite sex, whether online or in person. Are these comfortable conversations? No. Do they need to happen anyway? Yes!
2. Monitor your child’s use of social media & web-enabled devices. If your child is allowed to have a cell-phone, consider whether an internet data plan is really the healthiest option for them. At the very least, monitor your bill carefully to see who your child is messaging. If they beat around the bush about telling you, chances are something’s up. If your child is on Facebook, talk with them about parameters for use and make sure they add you as a friend so that you can follow their activity online. Also, be aware that your child can block others on Facebook from seeing their conversations with certain friends. Don’t be afraid to ground your child from Facebook or disable their account if they insist on using it inappropriately. Social media is a privilege, not a right.
3. Consider an internet filter for your home computer or web-enabled phone that allows you to set some parental controls for your child’s online activity. A simple Google search will quickly lead you to some good, cost-effective options.
4. Remember that though your child will probably find a way to work around whatever protections & parameters you set in place (didn’t you do the same at their age?), that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth the effort. Though your child will probably never admit it, your diligence as a parent communicates your love & concern for them in immeasurable ways.
In the end, no parent can eliminate all the potential dangers facing their kids. But you can, through your words and actions, help your kids learn to follow Jesus and make godly choices. This discipleship process is what being a parent is all about (Deut. 6:4-9; Proverbs 22:6, Ephesians 6:4), leading your child into a transformative relationship of faith in Christ. Once they have been changed by Jesus, they will not do right because you want them to, but because they want to (Romans 12:2; 2 Cor. 5:17). So parents, pray for your kids and love them enough to lead them to Christ!
Pastor T's Ponderings 
This is definitely something we as parents should be more concerned about. A few years ago, the advise for parents was to put the computer in a open place in the home and put the filters on them, etc. Now they have cell phones that they can take anywhere and look and send who knows what and we are clueless. I am a very nosy parent (which my child HATES and makes it know quite often) but I feel like it’s part of my job. My children can have all the privacy they want when them become adults, but right now there’s certain things they are not ready to handle with their “privacy”. And when questioned why don’t I trust my children, my response will be….that trust must be earned in my book, it’s not a RIGHT that is just given to them…like their precious cell phone, facebook, etc!!
Thanks for the feedback! My mom once caught one of us sneaking around where we weren’t supposed to be by recording the miles on our odometer behind our back. Did that nosiness make us mad? Sure. Did it keep us from an even bigger mistake? You bet.